Maths...Why Bother?!

At the moment I am working on an assignment for my ECE mathematics class. For the task, we have to make a poster detailing significant events in our mathematical history, and reflect on how these events contribute to our current attitudes regarding maths education. In an attempt to protect myself against emotional anguish, I had, up until now, managed to banish all memories of school-based mathematical experiences to the extremities of my consciousness. Some would call that denial.. and they would probably be right.. but I have no desire to relive the legalised torture that is maths education. However, I think that it is important for me to pass my degree and eventually become an accomplished teacher who doesn't let her fear of maths dictate the outcomes of her students.. so I thought that a positive first step to 'making my past experiences a reality', as my lecturer would put, would be to look through the pile of folders that contain my old school report cards and certificates. Now, let me just add here, that denial really is a safe and beautiful thing. Surely there is nothing wrong with shielding one's self from the harsh and confronting nature of reality and living life as a fulfilled, if not unaware, individual. Report cards, like reality, can also be cruel. Although I appreciate that monitoring student progress in all aspects of the curriculum and informing parents of areas of success and areas that require attention is the obligation of all teachers, the idea of measuring student ability against a preordained standard put in place by power-hungry-policy-pushers that blatantly disregard the individuality of each child is, in a lot of ways, a necessary evil in education. According to my grade one mid year report card, I could "successfully count to in excess of two hundred in ones" (not bad for a five year old), however it also stated that "Carly expresses frustration when others approach her for help". Could that be because, as an astute five year old, I was frustrated with the palpable incompetence of my peers? Or because I too was lacking the skills required to perform the maths tasks and was crying out for assistance, therefore being unable to help others? Or was it because I lacked a considerable amount of patience? Each of those scenarios are quite plausible, some possibly more so than others, but it's justifiable to draw many conclusions from such a vague report of student progress. So I moved onto my grade two report card, which stated that "Carly has a very determined approach to mathematics...works slowly and methodically...has made a determined effort to develop strategies that will help her solve basic facts, and, although she does not compute quickly mentally, her recall of facts is quite sound". I think any parent who receives a report card declaring that their child "does not compute quickly mentally" would fall into a shame spiral and agonise over how they went wrong as a parent. My grade three report card was slightly more uplifting, stating that I was "a cheerful and popular student who approaches everything with enthusiasm and gusto!". From grade four onwards, my mathematical achievements were indicated by either a tick in the appropriate box or a letter grade, sometimes followed by comments such as:
"A goal for next semester is to focus on the set work in class and not to be distracted by, or a distraction to, others"
"Carly is capable of a better result but needs to concentrate in class"
"Errors are made most often as a result of rushing her working and not checking her answers carefully"
"Carly found topics covered in class this semester quite hard to grasp"

The other thing that I discovered about my maths education, is that almost every single mathematics competition that I entered (why someone didn't discourage me from doing this I will never know) I received a participation for, and everyone knows that receiving a participation is like a patronising pat on the back followed by the typical "At least you did your best". The only time that I didn't receive a participation was in 2000 when I received a credit! That was an exciting day.
Yes, I know what you are thinking; this is going to be one cheery poster that will uplift the spirits of all who have the pleasure of beholding it. Fortunately I am going to spare you the details of my upper high school maths experiences. Mostly because I can honestly say that I learnt nothing at all of any real value or relevance, and the majority of our lessons were spent plotting revenge against whoever was responsible for inflicting so much pain upon us. So, not only am I questioning the value of maths education as a whole, but I am also questioning my lecturer's motives for forcing me to reflect on such a negative experience. Fortunately though, my school reports were really very positive in all of the other areas, particularly HPE and sports carnivals..and we all know that sport is much more important than maths. So, for my poster, I think that I have two options. The first being a stark white sheet of paper displaying emotionally charged pictorial representations of the pain that maths caused me accompanied by a poetic analogy that likens maths education to corporal punishment written in my own blood. Or the second option, which would display photos of me working on projects with determination and joy, followed by a written piece describing the impact that positive maths experiences in the classroom from an early age can have on future attitudes.

Take My Life...

Well week one of Uni is over.. and I'm still alive! Hurrah! I'm sure you were all terribly concerned. So, being alive as I am, I thought I would write about something that has been on my mind today. I've been talking about this with my beautiful friend in Canada, but I thought I would share it here as well. I really should be studying.. but.. well.. you know how it is.

Some of you have probably heard of the band Third Day. The last song on their album "Offerings 2 - All I Have To Give" is called "Take My Life". Melodically it's rather simplistic, but lyrically it's quite profound, which I think is a nice combination. When I woke up this morning (or, more accurately, when the alarm clock on my phone dragged me out of my peaceful slumber), this song was playing over in my head, so I started singing it to myself as I was getting ready for work, and even though I have heard it 100 times, the words of the chorus really struck a chord with me:
"Please take from me my life, when I don't have the strength to give it away to You Jesus".

It takes strength to give our burdens and hurts over to God. It's not always easy, even though in theory it should be. Some Christians will undoubtedly call this an issue of faith, or lack thereof, because, as Christians, our reliance on God should be unfaultering. But, if I'm being honest, too often I try to take on my problems and anxieties and effectively push away the One who is so willing to comfort me, if I would only let Him. Trusting God with the things that are closest to our hearts takes courage. When we're going through hard times, we feel so weak and utterly powerless, and sometimes these earthly limitations get in the way of the help that God so freely offers to us. In our weakness and uncertainty it's hard to just let go, so we cling to our pain, even when we know that we are powerless. So the idea of God taking away my life, my pain, my hurt, and my troubles..when I don't have the strength to give it away to Him, is so powerful, and such an awesome assurance. Because it's all very well to 'know' that the best thing for us to do is to give our burdens over to Christ, yet sometimes that intellectual knowledge doesn't quite connect with our hearts, and we end up completely weighed down by our circumstances. I think it's so encouraging, and humbling, to know that when I fail, or when all around me fails, God doesn't change. And He never will. What a beautiful promise. When I don't have the strength to hand my life, the good and the bad, over to God, I'm trusting Him to take it for me.