The "L" Word (and I'm not talking about love....)

Yes, another blog post. Can you tell that I am avoiding my assignments? This post was originally going to be a response to a note that Alex posted on facebook, however apparently what I wanted to say was beyond the scope of the comments box, so I decided to write it here instead.

The goal of Alex's note was to discuss the importance of male leadership, and the detriment of lust to such leadership. The note was aimed at men, and I'm sure that it would have been very helpful. Recently our church has been doing a series on sexual discipleship. A lot of good things have come from these sermons, and it's been so encouraging to see people begin to deal with issues that eat away at the core of their being. I have to admit, it has been emotionally exhausting, particularly as a woman. Far too many people that I love have suffered from sexual abuse or misuse, and I believe that this kind of abuse is unique in the damage that it wrecks on someone's life. But I digress. I was keen to comment on Alex's remarks about lust from a female point of view.

Within much of the teaching that Christians receive on lust, the common theme is that men are wired to be visually stimulated, and women are wired to be emotionally stimulated. Before I go on, please understand that I completely agree with this. Calvin Roy, who spoke on Sunday night, made a comparison between pornography and Twilight (or, more explicitly, Mills and Boon), which I think was a helpful example. I know many Christian women who love the Twilight series because it is a well-written and engaging piece of literature, which is great. However, in conversations that I have had with non-Christian women who have devoured the series, the emotional thrill of the novel is a powerful turn-on. One friend once exclaimed to me "Oh! It's just SO sexy!". The way that God has wired women is a good and beautiful thing, if it is kept within the covenant of marriage and is used to serve the purpose for which it was created. Yet this is frequently abused. In failing to control our hearts, women fail to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Whilst I agree with this teaching (that men are predominant visually stimulated and women emotionally stimulated), I think that it comes at the risk of neglecting the reality that women are also visually stimulated. It's important to understand that this operates very differently in women, yet it shouldn't be ignored. The main way that we are turned on or captivated is through our thoughts and emotions - therefore it is easier for women to shift our visually stimulated feelings back into 2nd gear, and in the same motion shift our emotions straight into 5th. Yet God has created women to be emotionally stirred by what she sees, even if it's to a lesser degree than men. You need only spend 10 minutes with a group of non-Christian women* in a public setting to realise that women can be vulgar. They tarnish their integrity and feminine beauty by looking upon men in a way that satisfies their visual lust. They forget that these men are somebody's son, not a boy-toy (I really hate that phrase, but I think it's applicable here). Many women feel justified in commenting about men in a lustful way because they frequently are subjected to inappropriate comments by men. I know acutely how horrible this is, but it's part of the pain that we experience as women in a fallen world. This kind of treatment certainly does not provoke me to look upon my brothers inappropriately. It is so wonderful to know that it is certainly by no strength of our own that we are able to control sinful desires.

In Alex's note, he mentioned Matthew 5:29-30: "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your body to go into hell".

Girls, this certainly isn't just applicable to men. This passage really speaks to how imperative it is to separate ourselves from sin. Visual lust is certainly an issue for women, even though it manifests itself more powerfully in men. God has called His daughters to be women of unfading beauty. To possess a beauty that lasts. We don't need to captivate the lusts of our brothers, nor do we need to desire emotional or visual satisfaction from our brothers. Rather it is the beauty of a "gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight". 1 Peter 3: 5 says "For this is the way that holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful". How wonderful that our Father is captivated by our sight. How wonderful that we can place our hope in the strong and loving hands of our Father. Why would we crave to be in the sight of anyone else?

*Just a little disclaimer.. this obviously isn't applicable to all non-Christian women, it was merely an example from experiences that I have had.

The complicated wonder that is female.....

In many ways, I am your typical female.

I have no sense of direction whatsoever. It took me 45 minutes to find the Pye's house in West End and I often find myself lost in riverside gardens. I cannot read a map unless it is upside down, or at least facing in the direction of the the imaginary road in my head. I am terrible at parking. I can be overly-emotional, overly-clingy, and overly-dramatic. I will spend 10 minutes talking about a grasshopper, a cute little girl and a pencil and expect Mark to understand that I am explaining the content of my SOSE lecture, without actually mentioning the words SOSE or lecture. My thought processes are often convoluted, to say the least. I like flowers. I love coffee and chocolate. I feel cranky if I go for long periods of time without coffee or chocolate. I can't help but go all mushy when I see a beautiful baby. I frequently lack logic and rationality.

In a lot of ways, I fit the stereotype. However, there are many ways that I don't. One of my non-stereotypically female attributes was brought to my attention today. I don't particularly enjoy clothes shopping. Obviously this is partly to do with my Uni student budget, however I really don't derive intense pleasure, fulfillment and excitement from buying clothes. Today, I needed to buy a dress. Mark's graduation is at the end of the year, and the only formal dress that I own is a bridesmaids dress that I have already worn on two occasions (other than the wedding). Because this is a special occasion, I thought that it would be nice to buy something new. Plus, with Uni becoming increasingly busy, today presented a convenient opening for a spot of shopping. So, armed with a coffee, I headed to Stockies and entered the first dress shop that I came across. I had a quick squiz and noticed two dresses that were quite nice. I tried on the first dress: didn't like it. I tried on the second dress: quite liked it. I opened the dressing room curtain and said to the shop keeper "Do you think this looks ok?". She replied "Yes dear, that looks lovely!". That was good enough for me. I got changed, bought the dress (which was a great price, hurrah!) and left the shop in less than 10 minutes. I hadn't even finished my coffee. That, dear reader, is what you call efficient shopping.

Now, this isn't to say that I simply took the lazy option rather than looking for a dress that I really liked. This dress is very lovely. It's made up of beautiful colours and is a style that I quite like (long and kind of hippy-like apparently). When it comes to clothes shopping, you need to know what you are looking for and what you like, otherwise you will waste hours and come away poor and exhausted. There are about 1000 different kinds of dresses that I wouldn't even consider because they are either inappropriate, gaudy or strange; so I don't waste my time looking at them. Even as I write this, I'm aware of how 'male' this is sounding (i.e. logical).

If you are one of those women who enjoy shopping; more power to you. Lots of women enjoy the social bonding phenomenon that is window shopping. I'd much rather spend time outdoors. However I'm so glad that we've all been made so differently. God knew what he was doing when He only created one of me. All of that said... to my female readers; I would encourage you to try efficient shopping sometime. It may prove to dramatically decrease frustration levels and free up more time for coffee, chocolate, figuring out how to get your car out of the car park, and allowing for the inevitability of getting lost on the way home.

Warning: Cynicism ahead....

Those of you who frequent Joel's blog will have noticed his disappointing lack of cynicism of late. In his most recent post, he even went so far as to describe his current state of being as "bouncing around in a world full of sunshine, lollypops and rainbows". Very disappointing. Those of you who know me will realise that I am an eternal optimist. Even when I am sad, I am usually happy as well. I once had two yellowy-orange pieces of fruit that I was convinced were oranges. They certainly couldn't have been lemons; they were clearly the shape of oranges and had a slight orangey tinge to their skin. However, upon eating the first "orange", I realised that it was the single most sour piece of fruit that I had ever eaten. But not to worry, I still had one more "orange", which I hadn't yet lost faith in, and proceeded to eat. They were both lemons. No doubt about it.

That somewhat convoluted orange/lemon story was just one example of how I tend to hope for the best in most situations. You know what they say; if life hands you lemons, hope that they are oranges. However, I also value consistency, and Joel's unprecedented lack of cynicism has thrown my understanding of life, the universe and everything into turmoil. Despite my naturally optimistic nature, I can't help but find this sudden change deeply disturbing.

SO. In an attempt to even things out a little, I thought that I would devote this post entirely to my own brand of cynicism. Uni has recently shifted into fifth gear and I don't see much opportunity for a reprieve over the next two months, so it shouldn't be difficult to think of some things that annoy me. Here is a list of things that have recently infuriated me for your misguided enjoyment:

• It annoys me that for 3 years now, without fail, my lecturers gleefully inflict a mountain of assignments on me that are due directly after lecture recess, and have the audacity to ask "Did you enjoy your relaxing break?".
• My SOSE lecturer says "SOZE".
  
• My history lecturer says "histowy" (although, granted, he has a speech impediment).
  
• The American cohort of students in my history class know more about Australian history than I do, and they certainly appear more interested.
  
• American accents.
  
• Unit plans.
  
• The current trend for ECE lecturers to transfer our subjects to external mode.
  
• Unit plans.
  
• Dust storms.
  
• Having asthma in a dust storm.
  
• Having asthma and a cold in a dust storm.
  
• Having asthma and a cold and going for a run in a dust storm.
  
• Lacking common sense.
  
• People who visit coffee shops in groups and pretend to enjoy each others company whilst spending the entire time facebooking each other on their iphones. Lame.
  
• Instant coffee.
  
• Computers.
  
• Webquests/wikis/bubblus/imagination/delicious clouds/any other form of ICT tool with a stupid name that I am supposed to be able to utilise in an educational context.
  
• Unit plans.
  
• Education Queensland's relaxed stance on prompt employee payments.
  
• People who think that "group work" is an optional componet of group assignments.
  
• Lecturers who think that group assignments are actually beneficial to anyone.
  
• Discovering that you have a hole in the clothes that you are wearing when you are already out.
  
• Discovering that you have toothpaste on your shirt when you are already out.
  
• Having to make jokes about the holes in your clothes or toothpaste on your shirt to alleviate the awkwardness. Nothing like making an awkward situation less awkward by firstly making it more awkward.
  
• Forgetting to wear shoes to church on Sunday night at Calvary.
  
• Having people look at you as if you require additional intercessory prayer simply because you forgot to wear shoes to church.
  
• Having to wear shoes.
  
• Drinking a cup of tea whilst writing a blog and spilling it on the keyboard... rage...
  
• Coffee shop waiters who try to pretend that saying "Thanks a-latte!" isn't hilarious.
  
• Demonstrating to a friend in a coffee shop how patronising it is to click your fingers at the staff, and accidently summoning a waiter in the process.
• Having to apologise for accidentally being a jerk.
  
• Unit plans.
  
• People who insist on telling me stories about people who have died or been knifed in the face whilst in PNG. Really don't want to know.
  
• The unwritten social rule that says you are less of a woman if your hair is messy.
  
• People who say "Teacher's have an easy job - just look at all of the holidays they get!!".
• Australians who ask me where my accent is from (???)... perhaps I also have a speech problem...
• People who print pretty pictures on tissues. Why would you put a cute little puppy dog on a piece of tissue that serves no other purpose than to.. well.. I don't need to explain that one...
  
• Unit plans

End rant. Now that the universe has returned to a state of balance, I will return to my usual optimistic self :)