The "L" Word (and I'm not talking about love....)

Yes, another blog post. Can you tell that I am avoiding my assignments? This post was originally going to be a response to a note that Alex posted on facebook, however apparently what I wanted to say was beyond the scope of the comments box, so I decided to write it here instead.

The goal of Alex's note was to discuss the importance of male leadership, and the detriment of lust to such leadership. The note was aimed at men, and I'm sure that it would have been very helpful. Recently our church has been doing a series on sexual discipleship. A lot of good things have come from these sermons, and it's been so encouraging to see people begin to deal with issues that eat away at the core of their being. I have to admit, it has been emotionally exhausting, particularly as a woman. Far too many people that I love have suffered from sexual abuse or misuse, and I believe that this kind of abuse is unique in the damage that it wrecks on someone's life. But I digress. I was keen to comment on Alex's remarks about lust from a female point of view.

Within much of the teaching that Christians receive on lust, the common theme is that men are wired to be visually stimulated, and women are wired to be emotionally stimulated. Before I go on, please understand that I completely agree with this. Calvin Roy, who spoke on Sunday night, made a comparison between pornography and Twilight (or, more explicitly, Mills and Boon), which I think was a helpful example. I know many Christian women who love the Twilight series because it is a well-written and engaging piece of literature, which is great. However, in conversations that I have had with non-Christian women who have devoured the series, the emotional thrill of the novel is a powerful turn-on. One friend once exclaimed to me "Oh! It's just SO sexy!". The way that God has wired women is a good and beautiful thing, if it is kept within the covenant of marriage and is used to serve the purpose for which it was created. Yet this is frequently abused. In failing to control our hearts, women fail to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Whilst I agree with this teaching (that men are predominant visually stimulated and women emotionally stimulated), I think that it comes at the risk of neglecting the reality that women are also visually stimulated. It's important to understand that this operates very differently in women, yet it shouldn't be ignored. The main way that we are turned on or captivated is through our thoughts and emotions - therefore it is easier for women to shift our visually stimulated feelings back into 2nd gear, and in the same motion shift our emotions straight into 5th. Yet God has created women to be emotionally stirred by what she sees, even if it's to a lesser degree than men. You need only spend 10 minutes with a group of non-Christian women* in a public setting to realise that women can be vulgar. They tarnish their integrity and feminine beauty by looking upon men in a way that satisfies their visual lust. They forget that these men are somebody's son, not a boy-toy (I really hate that phrase, but I think it's applicable here). Many women feel justified in commenting about men in a lustful way because they frequently are subjected to inappropriate comments by men. I know acutely how horrible this is, but it's part of the pain that we experience as women in a fallen world. This kind of treatment certainly does not provoke me to look upon my brothers inappropriately. It is so wonderful to know that it is certainly by no strength of our own that we are able to control sinful desires.

In Alex's note, he mentioned Matthew 5:29-30: "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your body to go into hell".

Girls, this certainly isn't just applicable to men. This passage really speaks to how imperative it is to separate ourselves from sin. Visual lust is certainly an issue for women, even though it manifests itself more powerfully in men. God has called His daughters to be women of unfading beauty. To possess a beauty that lasts. We don't need to captivate the lusts of our brothers, nor do we need to desire emotional or visual satisfaction from our brothers. Rather it is the beauty of a "gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight". 1 Peter 3: 5 says "For this is the way that holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful". How wonderful that our Father is captivated by our sight. How wonderful that we can place our hope in the strong and loving hands of our Father. Why would we crave to be in the sight of anyone else?

*Just a little disclaimer.. this obviously isn't applicable to all non-Christian women, it was merely an example from experiences that I have had.